Finding it
by CrushedPartyIce
Summary: A sudden turn of events forces Hikigaya to question his own beliefs.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1:

Yukinoshita being absent was a rarity.

It really was. She never missed school. As far as I can remember she had only taken a single day off last year.

Maybe that's why, when I tried to enter the service club room that day, I was surprised to find it locked. I did not know what to do so I made my way to the teachers' lounge and asked Hiratsuka sensei for the key.

"Sensei, is Yukinoshita taking the day off?" I asked out of curiosity.

"Yeah, and that's what worries me. With that girl you never know."

She placed a finger on her chin and looked like she was mulling over something in her mind.

"Ah! I know! Hikigaya, why don't you go check up on her?"

"W-Why me?"

"Because Yuigahama is also on leave so I've got no choice but to ask you"

Yep, Yuigahama had gone to Osaka to attend her grandmother's funeral.

"But-but I don't want to-"

Suddenly a fist flew past my face. With a devilish smile on her face, sensei asked, "Are you saying you're not going to do it?"

"No-no I'll do it!"

I had been to Yukinoshita's apartment before. So locating her apartment complex was not a problem. I stepped in through the glass front door and buzzed the intercom to Yukinoshita's apartment.

"W-who is i-it?"

Her voice seemed unnaturally shaky and nervous, which was nothing like her usual calm, composed voice.

"Yo, it's me, Hikigaya. Hiratsuka sensei asked me to check up on you."

"Oh"

After a few seconds I heard her voice again. Her voice seemed more composed this time around.

"Come up. I'll buzz you in."

I stepped into the elevator and went up to her floor and knocked on her apartment's door. I had to wait for a moment before she opened the door and greeted me. She was dressed in a very formal way.

I wondered why.

"Hikigaya-kun, come in. Please excuse the mess"

Mess? What mess? Her apartment was spotless!

"Please take a seat while I prepare some black tea."

I did as I was told and took a seat on her couch. Her whole demeanour seemed kind of subdued today like she had just been told that she had a disease that she did not know about and now she had no idea how to react to the whole thing. But there was no way in hell that that was possible. So what was it that was really bothering her? I really wanted to know.

She came out of the kitchen a few minutes later. She had a tray, with a tea pot and a pair of cups and saucers, in her hand. She set it on the table and started pouring tea into one of the cups. She handed me the cup and a saucer when she was done. "Here." She filled the other cup with the same amount of tea before proceeding to take a seat beside me on the couch.

After taking a sip of the steaming hot tea she turned towards me.

"So, why did you come here again?"

"I told you, didn't I. Hiratsuka-sensei wanted me to check up on you, to see if you were alright."

"Oh" After a short pause she added "I'm fine. You do not need to concern your lazy self with me, Hikidle-kun."

Ah, there was the Yukinoshita I had gotten used to over the past year and a half. I smiled despite of myself.

"Oi oi don't you think you should be a bit more polite. After all I went out of my way to come here"

She gave me a smile and said "Yeah. Thank you for your concern" That smile took me by surprise. It was not one of those teasing ones she gave me when she was making fun of me or insulting me. That smile seemed genuine.

And at that moment she looked beautiful.

All of a sudden I was extremely interested in the floor.

After taking another sip of my tea and regaining my composure I turned to her again.

"So, why didn't you come to school today?"

"I-I had family m-matters to attend to"

There was that shakiness in her voice again. Her voice had no conviction and was filled with uncertainty. It was almost like she was covering up for someone else's mistake. But Yukinoshita would never do that. So what was it that she did not want to tell me?

"Is that so?"

I decided to not press her for information any further. And just like that our conversation was replaced by silence. At first it was awkward but it gradually turned into a comfortable silence. The same kind of silence we enjoyed in the clubroom in the absence of Yuigahama. We continued to drink our tea in silence, the only sound that of cup hitting saucer.

Yukinoshita finally finished her tea and placed her cup on the saucer. All of a sudden she said "Say Hikigaya-kun, have you found that genuine thing yet?"

I placed my cup on my saucer and looked at her.

"No, I haven't."

I thought about it all the time though.

"When do you think you'll find it?"

"I don't know" I answered honestly.

Suddenly she brought her face really close to mine. I could see my reflection in her eyes. The distance between our noses was almost non existent. I could feel her breath on my lips as she spoke.

"When you find it, that genuine thing you're looking for, will you show it to me?"

That's it for the first chapter. I know it does not seem all that interesting now but believe me things are going to get pretty crazy. This story will only focus on Hikigaya and Yukinoshita with small necessary appearances from other characters. I think it's pretty evident from the story that I'm not a huge fan of Yuigahama. Finally I know that my writing is not all that great and my grammar is not great either. So your reviews would be highly appreciated.

Thank you for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

Hachiman's P.O.V

Wait. Hold on a second. This can't be real, right?

I mean, this has to be a dream. Yup, that's it. I dozed off and now I'm dreaming.

But Yukinoshita's hand on my shoulder was proof enough that I was not.

W-wait a second! When did she place her hand on my shoulder?

This was not like Yukinoshita at all. She would never willingly come this close to me. So why is she doing all this? The situation was bad. Really, really bad.

I can't fall for this trap. Women are only interested in handsome, athletic guys. Why would a girl like Yukinoshita have any interest in me? It's just not possible.

There has to be a way out of this situation. She was getting closer. With every passing second she closed the distance between our lips.

Do something, Hachiman!

But I was frozen in space. I couldn't move at all. And just when I thought all hope was lost, my phone started ringing.

Cliché, isn't it? But it did save me.

Almost immediately Yukinoshita stood up and turned her back towards me.

I wanted to say something. I wanted to ask her why she did what she did. But before I could open my mouth, she cut me off in a sharp voice.

"You should answer your phone, Hikigaya-kun."

Reluctantly, I took my phone out of my pocket. It was Hiratsuka-sensei.

"Hello?"

"Hikigaya, did you check up on her?"

"Y-yeah, s-she's fine"

"What happened, you all right? Your voice is shaking"

"Y-yeah I'm fine. I'll talk to you later sensei."

And with that I cut the call. Yukinoshita had not moved from her place.

"Hey Yuki-"

"You should go home now. It's getting late. Komachi-san will be worried." I could not see her face but I could tell from the tone of her voice that she was on the verge of breaking down.

What should I do? I want to ask her. I want to know why. But clearly she does not want to talk about it. Maybe I should just go home for now.

There was nothing else I could do. So, I picked up my bag and walked to the front door. I turned to look at her one last time but she still had her back turned towards me.

I sighed, opened the door and exited the shiny, spotless apartment.

As I made my way towards the station I thought about everything that had happened today. But quite honestly there was only one thing on my mind.

Yukinoshita almost kissed me.

Yeah, that happened. If I were in middle school I would have probably been happy enough to die. But I am not.

I am a high school student who has experienced rejection and the life of a loner. I've built defences and I've put up walls to protect myself from the trap of youth and a rose coloured teenage life. I can't let those walls crumble and fall apart now.

But what if she really does-

No, she does not. Remember Hachiman, she hates your guts.

She really does hate my guts, doesn't she?

But we're closer now than we were before. So maybe she really does have-

NO, she does not!

Ahh! This inner turmoil is going to kill me. I need to stop thinking about her. Right now what I need is some good old MAXX Coffee and I also need sleep. Yup, sleep will solve all my problems.

Hopefully.

By the time I made it back home, it was already 6:30 in the evening. As usual my parents were not at home and Komachi was in her room. Kamakura ran out of the living room as soon as I entered.

Am I really that disgusting? Whatever, I need to sleep. Time for a nap.

I made myself comfortable on the couch and closed my eyes.

I was drifting away from reality and into the realm of dreams, when in typical fashion my phone started ringing.

Urghh! Who is it now?

I took my phone out of my pocket and checked the caller ID.

Yukinoshita Haruno.

Great. These Yukinoshita sisters and going to drive me insane. I am a hundred and ten percent sure of it.

Maybe I should just ignore her call. But she is the kind of person who does not give up. She will keep calling until I respond. Ah well, might as well talk to her and get it over with.

"Hello?"

"Hikigaya-kun, I need your help."

She sounded desperate and unnaturally afraid.

"Huh? What do you need?"

After a short pause she replied in a grave voice.

"Yukino is missing"

That's the end of the second chapter. Almost everything will be explained in the next chapter but I won't be able to update anytime soon because of exams. Please drop a review if you can.

And once again thank you for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

I apologize for not having uploaded in a long, long time. I had to deal with my exams plus a myriad of other things came up. I sincerely hope you enjoy this chapter although it might turn out to be crap.

* * *

Chapter 3

"Missing? What do you mean, missing?"

"Well, I think she is. I went to her place about 15 minutes ago and she was not at home. I've been trying to call her but she is not picking up", Haruno replied.

For a second there she really did scare me.

"Maybe she went to the local supermarket or something." I paused before adding "I was at her place about 3 hours ago. So for her to go missing in such a short interval of time is kind of impossible."

Haruno seemed to have calmed down a bit after hearing this. Her breathing slowed down and her voice returned to her original composed tone. For Haruno to be worried over something like this seemed really weird to me.

"Wait a second. You were at her place?!"

Crap. Here we go again.

"What were you doing? Were you there for a date? Did you two snuggle up to each other on the couch and watch a romantic movie? Or did you-"

I could picture her smirking through the phone so I cut her off before she could continue.

"Nothing of the sort happened. She did not come to school today and Hiratsuka sensei wanted me to check up on her. That's all."

All of a sudden her tone changed. "Now that you mention it, it would be probably be best if you stayed away from her." Her tone was grave and she seemed dead serious.

"Stay away? But why?"

She was hesitant and it felt like she was not comfortable answering my question.

"Because the circumstances have changed"

"Circumstances? What circumstances", I asked in a rather loud voice. She was hiding something and since Yukinoshita was the subject of our conversation I was curious.

"Things are not the same anymore" She replied in a firm tone.

"What's not the same? What are you talking about?" I got irritated and kinda screamed the last part.

"You really want to know?" she asked in a serious voice.

"Yeah, I do." I did not know why but I really did want to know.

Haruno paused for a second before replying in a grave, serious and almost sad voice.

"Yukino is engaged to Hayato-kun."

* * *

Oh.

So this was the family matter she had to attend to. This is why she was nervous and unsure when I met her.

Is this also why she tried to kiss me?

That does not make much sense.

For a moment, I forgot I was on the phone.

"Oh, I see. Uhh- I'll talk to you later I guess" and with that I hastily cut the call.

I did not want to talk to anybody. I did not want to listen to anybody talk. Somehow the news of Yukinoshita's engagement did not sit well with me. Just picturing Yukinoshita and Hayama together made me want to throw up.

But at the same time I realised this was bound to happen. Their families were close so they grew up together. At some point they were bound to develop feelings for each other.

But the Yukinoshita I knew would never fall for Hayama. A guy like Hayama, who put on a mask and did what was expected of him just to maintain his position in society, was exactly the kind of guy Yukinoshita despised.

Or did she?

Maybe she had always harboured feelings for Hayama. Maybe she had always liked noble and righteous guys like Hayama. Maybe my perception of her was wrong from the very beginning.

I had been betrayed by my expectations. Again.

Why am I racking my brain about all this anyway? I am just an outsider. My knowledge of Yukinoshita and Hayama's past is very little to none at all. This whole engagement thing is none of my business. Who Yukinoshita wishes to spend the rest of her life with is completely up to her.

I mean, I do not even like her.

At least I don't think I do.

Anyway. I need to get some sleep. Just as I was about to lay down and drift off to an imaginary wonderland my phone started ringing.

Again.

Who the hell was it this time? I checked the caller ID and was surprised to see the name Hayama Hayato. For some reason, other than my obvious need for sleep, I did not want to talk to him. Even when I reluctantly picked up the call, my voice came out much colder and harsher than I thought it would.

"What do you need?"

He seemed to be taken aback by my cold demeanour. After a short pause he replied in a calm tone.

"Can you meet me now?"

"Huh? Meet you? But why?"

"I'll tell you when I see you. Meet me outside destinyland in about half an hour. It's important." And with that he hung up. I stared at the screen for about 5 more seconds before picking myself off the couch.

I really did not want to go. But he did say it was important and I had nothing better to do. So I changed my clothes and ventured out into the cold damp night.

* * *

I reached destinyland around 7:30 pm and found Hayama standing just outside the front entrance. He had his usual smile plastered on his face and looked calm and composed.

But for some reason it felt like he was forcing himself to smile. He spotted me and walked towards me.

I got straight to the point "So, what do you need?"

He hesitated for a moment before asking in a small voice "Have you heard? You know….. About me uh and Yukinoshita?"

"Yeah. Haruno told me. So, what do you need?"

He sighed and looked away. He was staring at the Ferris wheel that had been added as an attraction to destinyland recently.

"We are both being forced into this"

When I heard that I felt relieved. Maybe my perception of the ice cold beauty was not completely off the mark. But I did not believe him right away.

"Are you sure? How do you know that this not what Yukinoshita wants?"

He turned his head back towards me with a smile.

"Because I know she is in love with someone else."

"Someone else?" The thought did not sit well with me.

"Yeah. Someone much closer to her, someone she trusts more than any other person and someone she relies on a bit too much because she knows that he will always come through."

He paused for a moment before adding in a low voice "Someone you know all too well."

All of a sudden I realised who he was talking about. Obviously, I did not believe him one bit. I mean the thought was completely illogical and absurd.

I did not want to discuss the possibility of Yukinoshita being attracted to a lowly being like me so I changed the topic.

"What did you call me out here for?"

"Yukinoshita is inside"

"And you are telling me this because…"

An expression of concern replaced Hayama's happy features.

"I want you to talk to her. I want you to talk her out of this marriage"

What does he mean talk her out?

"Just hold on a second. I am an outsider. I am in no position to interfere. This is none of my business"

I mean we are talking about two influential families here. Sticking my nose in their affairs does not seem like the best course of action.

Hayama had a sad smile on his face as he spoke.

"I know and I am sorry for all the trouble I'm putting you through. But then again you are the only person I can ask for help. It truly is shameful that I am relying on you again."

I wanted to say no. I wanted to say that I had to go back home to check on Komachi but I ended up saying "Fine. I'll see what I can do but you are paying for the ticket."

* * *

Once inside, I started scanning the area for a certain ice princess. The place wasn't overly crowded owing to the fact that it was a Thursday evening but it was crowded enough to make searching for a person a difficult job.

After a few minutes I spotted her sitting on a bench near the new Ferris wheel. I walked towards the bench and sat down next to her.

She looked at me briefly before turning away. For a long while neither of us said anything.

Finally Yukinoshita broke the silence.

"What are you doing here, Hikigaya-kun?"

I was about to tell her that Hayama had roped me into this but telling her that I only came here because someone had asked me to seemed inappropriate. So I said something really intelligent like

"Ahh- I was around the area and I –uh decided to visit the place because I was bored."

She scowled at me "You are such a pathetic liar Hikigaya-kun."

"Well that's beside the point" and that was it. An uneasy silence settled between us and neither of us spoke for a while.

After a while I decided to talk to her about the marriage. Otherwise the purpose of me coming here would be completely defeated.

"I heard about your engagement." My voice cut through the cold air and for a moment Yukinoshita did not say anything.

"Oh." That's all she said. The expression on her face was one of sadness mixed with defeat. I had never seen her this upset before in her entire life.

An urge to touch her and comfort her suddenly came over me. But I stopped myself.

Yukinoshita spoke in a low painful voice "I guess this was bound to happen. I should have seen it coming…." Her voice grew lower and more painful with every single word.

And even though I was just an acquaintance. Even though I did not know anything about her past, hearing her speak like that made me sad.

Yukinoshita had been robbed of her freedom. Her fate had been decided by someone else and she had had no say in it. Seeing her like that, broken and defeated and on the verge of tears, reminded me of the fact that she was also human however godly and immortal she may seem.

And all humans needed help.

 _Help me someday._

Those words reverberated in my mind as I stood up. I had no clue as to why I was doing what I was doing. All I knew was that right now Yukinoshita needed help and she also need someone to show her that he cared about her.

And I was willing to be that someone.

I held out my hand and asked "Have you tried the Ferris wheel yet?"

I do not know why I did this and what I was thinking. Was I seriously expecting her to grab my hand? That was just embarrassing.

I tried to move my hand down and act like I was reaching for my pocket but before I could she rose from the bench and grabbed my hand.

Wait a second. Something about this picture is very, very wrong. Yukinoshita and I are holding hands. How is that even possible?

I felt my face growing hotter and when I took a peek at Yukinoshita's face I saw that her face was heating up too.

She looked down as she opened her mouth and spoke in a small voice.

"N-no I h-haven't. Do y-you want to try it?"

"Y-yeah s-sure. Why not"

The situation was extremely awkward. There were so many things going through my head that I could not concentrate on one single thing.

Slowly we walked towards the Ferris wheel. The line was not huge therefore we did not have to wait long for our turn. We walked into the compartment and sat next to each other. We were still holding hands.

This is a dream, isn't it? It has to be.

Firstly, why would I hold out my hand?

Secondly and more importantly, why would she grab it? It made no sense.

Unless she was attracted to me which was highly improbable. But that still does not explain why I held out my hand. Maybe I liked her as we-

No, no absolutely not. I only did what I did because Yukinoshita needed someone to comfort her.

As we reached the top the speed of the Ferris wheel decreased. From here I could pretty much see the entire city. The view was breath taking.

Yukinoshita suddenly spoke up "Hikigaya-kun there is something I want to do."

I did not say anything and she took this as a cue to continue. She looked at me and tightened her hold on my hand.

"I know I am being selfish but I do not want to have any regrets"

After saying that she moved her face closer to mine just like she did back at her place earlier in the day. The distance between our lips was almost non-existent just like at her place.

The only difference: No ringing phones.

And before I knew it her lips were on mine. The sensation was so electric I thought my brain would definitely turn to jelly. But it did not and instead we stayed like that for a long, long time.

Honestly, I would not have minded staying like that forever.

* * *

Hope you enjoyed. Please drop a review if you can.


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